


Insomnia

by LibraryMage



Series: Whumptober 2018 [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, Post-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: Days after Malachor, Ezra finds he and Hera have something in common now.





	Insomnia

“You shouldn’t be drinking that right now.”

Ezra jumped and bit back a yelp of pain as hot caf spilled onto his hand.  As he reached for a rag to clean up the spill, Hera rushed to his side and gently guided him to the sink, turning on the cold water and letting it run over Ezra’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” she said, taking the rag Ezra had been reaching for and wiping away the spilled caf that ran across the counter. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Ezra shrugged.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” he said, hoping the words were enough for what he really meant, that Hera had been spending so much extra time awake, in the medbay with Kanan, that it made perfect sense she wasn’t thinking straight.

“Neither have you,” Hera said.  She drew Ezra’s hand out from under the water and examined it. Ezra pulled his hand out of her light grip and carefully dried it.  It had hurt in the moment, but now it barely did.

“Is it that you can’t sleep, or you don’t want to?” Hera asked.

Ezra averted his eyes, staring down at the floor. The real answer was that it was both. Even if he was able to sleep, he wouldn’t want to.  The few short bursts he had managed to get over the past few days had led him straight into nightmares where he was back on Malachor, searching for Kanan, unable to find him, or stumbling through the darkness until he tripped over Kanan’s body, lying dead on the steps of the temple.

“I can’t,” he said.  “I – I haven’t been able to since…”

He trailed off, not wanting to say it.  Not being  _able_  to say it.  He couldn’t say the name of that planet out loud.  The planet where everything had changed.  Where everything had fallen apart.

“I can’t,” he said again, picking up the cup of caf.  “And if I can’t sleep, I don’t want to get tired.”

Hera looked like she was about to say something, but instead she sighed, picking up a cup and pouring caf into it for herself. As she stared down into the cup, it hit Ezra just how tired she looked.  Of course, it made sense.  Ezra knew she’d been getting just as little sleep as he had.  Maybe even less.

“Are you – is it that you can’t or…” he trailed off again, letting the question hang in the air unfinished, giving her an excuse not to answer it if she didn’t want to.

“I can’t, either,” Hera said, somehow managing to sound even more tired than she looked.  “And I don’t want to.  I keep thinking –”

She shook her head, still looking down into the cup of caf, not drinking it and not looking at Ezra.  He knew what she was probably thinking, that she shouldn’t be putting this on him, or any of them, that they were all suffering enough right now.

“You can tell me,” Ezra said.

“I know he’s going to make it,” Hera said, her voice distant, her mind clearly far away.  “But I keep thinking if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and he’ll be gone.”

As she said it, Ezra felt tears stinging at his eyes and quickly brushed them away.  He’d cried so much the day he and Kanan had returned from Malachor that if he didn’t know any better, he’d have thought he didn’t have any tears left in him.  The following day had been the same.  All it had done was make Ezra feel even more exhausted, and now he couldn’t even solve that problem by sleeping.

“I’m sorry, Hera,” Ezra said, not even sure which part of everything that had happened he was apologizing for.  There was just so much he had to be sorry for, and nothing he could do to fix any of it.

“It’s not your fault,” Hera said quietly.

 _Yes, it is,_  insisted that small inner voice that had plagued Ezra since Malachor.   _She doesn’t know._

“If we both can’t sleep, do you at least want some company?” Hera asked.  She forced a weak smile onto her face for a moment before letting it fade.

Ezra nodded, unable to put into words just how much he wanted her, or  _anyone_  there so he didn’t have to be alone.

The two of them slid onto the seat that wrapped around the table, lost in their own thoughts and fears as they silently waited for morning.


End file.
